I see my destination, I know where I am headed in life. The path forward seems less tolerable each day that goes by. The way forward seems not within my influence. I can choose my genre, I can choose my literature, but I cannot choose whether or not my fellow students and university faculty and staff embraced me as part of that culture. They sense I am broken, they sense I am struggling, and they sense my life is unpredictable all things that are not ideal in the "Berry Bubble". The Berry Bubble is precisely what attracted me to Berry College. The 'bubble' made available all of the elements of higher education that my prior university, Shorter University, did not. Namely, a culture that makes learning and knowing acceptable or even cool and a safe space where faculty and staff reliably improve student experience and health. Frankly, the very reason I wanted to attend is not available to me and I feel more isolated than I did at Shorter University. I need the personhood to get well enough to not be uncomfortable all the time so I can reunite with my tribe. I want the freedom to get into therapy for trauma, I want the freedom to see a psychiatrist and get some relief so I can think clearly, I want the freedom to pay my heating bill so I do not live in a home that is 42 degrees in the winter and I can do my homework more easily, I want the freedom to use my money to buy the food and medicine necessary for me to not be in excruciating pain everyday, and I want the freedom and legal right to call those who have contributed to taking that all away from me into question for their actions. I realize a lot of teens and college students want independence, that is not what is breaking me. It is the interference in my ability to acquire healthcare and support services empowering me to get well and be embraced in the Berry Bubble once again. Ugh...is it my 18th birthday yet? I need it to be. I am taking this one day at a time until then, if I brig more than one day of this suffering into focus at a time it becomes intolerable and it is terrifying. April 1, here I come!
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