Do you suppose performance anxiety and academic anxiety are totally separate things? Do you think pro players get all freaked out and crack under pressure like I did yesterday? Did Doc Severinsen ever just decide, no I think I'll just skip warming up for that performance and go in cold and then missed a bunch of notes and played out of tune...I think NOT. I've got to get a handle on this. For real folks, I'm on a mission to train myself to deal with tough stuff head on. That's one of my goals for 2018. While it may not be trumpet-centric without that skill I know that I won't get half as far with my music as I have the potential to. The backstory: I had a chance this year to make straight As for the first time. I made 5 As and yesterday was my last final. In my worst subject (communications). And it was a 3 hour test. The stuff high school horror stories are made up of. First off, I'm being dramatic, I did ok, I made a B, barely. I let my nerves get the better of me. And when I get nervous, I avoid stuff. It's immature, it's embarrassing, it's that little part of me that is still a child. So my mom and I studied in the morning I was all set and ready to take the test while it was fresh in my head, and I cracked under the pressure and anxiety and chose to take a nap, practice my horn (it was a brilliant practice btw), and waited until the very end of the day when I was least likely to test well and I took the final. (Have you seen the movie Clue with all the "it could have happened like this" scenarios?) So... it could have happened like this: My mom and I prepped and studied, I immediately took the agonizingly long test, made an A, cashed out a $200 incentive bonus from my mom to buy an old trumpet to restore and put some of it into savings, and got a taste of successfully overcoming anxiety and stress. It's a final, like I cannot do great on the next couple of quizzes and get my grade up, similar to a performance, I won't be able to ask for a do-over. It's so disgustingly final...
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