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Uh-oh...(Enter Some Chopin Nocturne Stuff Here)

Do you suppose performance anxiety and academic anxiety are totally separate things? Do you think pro players get all freaked out and crack under pressure like I did yesterday? Did Doc Severinsen ever just decide, no I think I'll just skip warming up for that performance and go in cold and then missed a bunch of notes and played out of tune...I think NOT. I've got to get a handle on this. For real folks, I'm on a mission to train myself to deal with tough stuff head on. That's one of my goals for 2018. While it may not be trumpet-centric without that skill I know that I won't get half as far with my music as I have the potential to. The backstory: I had a chance this year to make straight As for the first time. I made 5 As and yesterday was my last final. In my worst subject (communications). And it was a 3 hour test. The stuff high school horror stories are made up of. First off, I'm being dramatic, I did ok, I made a B, barely. I let my nerves get the better of me. And when I get nervous, I avoid stuff. It's immature, it's embarrassing, it's that little part of me that is still a child. So my mom and I studied in the morning I was all set and ready to take the test while it was fresh in my head, and I cracked under the pressure and anxiety and chose to take a nap, practice my horn (it was a brilliant practice btw), and waited until the very end of the day when I was least likely to test well and I took the final. (Have you seen the movie Clue with all the "it could have happened like this" scenarios?) So... it could have happened like this: My mom and I prepped and studied, I immediately took the agonizingly long test, made an A, cashed out a $200 incentive bonus from my mom to buy an old trumpet to restore and put some of it into savings, and got a taste of successfully overcoming anxiety and stress. It's a final, like I cannot do great on the next couple of quizzes and get my grade up, similar to a performance, I won't be able to ask for a do-over. It's so disgustingly final...


© 2023 by Nic Scott.